by Iryna Serebriakova and Masha Denisova
translated from the Russian by Iryna Serebriakova
edited by Samuel Buggeln
Bios
Iryna Serebriakova is a Ukrainian playwright, writer and translator. Her documentary theatre plays were produced in Timișoara, Kyiv, Almaty, Helsinki, New Delhi, Berlin, Cologne, Stockholm, Uppsala, Barcelona, and Prague. Her collection of short tales for children and adults was published in Sweden in Swedish translation in 2023. Over 20 fiction and non-fiction books were published in her translation from French and English to Ukrainian and Russian.
Masha Denisova is a Ukrainian artist, writer and playwright. Based in Kyiv, she has been staying there throughout the war. In her practice, she is mostly interested in documenting everyday reality, focusing on the impact of the war on the life of civilians. Along with theatre plays, she is involved in writing prose. Her notes, diaries and the interviews taken during the severe blackouts caused by shelling were the primary source of the documentary play Women in the Dark.
Introductory note, Women in the Dark and Men in Daylight
Women in the Dark is a dark comedy for two actresses. Set in Kyiv, it explores the role of electricity in everyday life through the female experience of wartime. The Ukrainian women exchange funny, sad and scary stories from their daily life with severe blackouts caused by shelling. The play is an attempt to reflect not only on electricity, but on the fragility of human civilization. We take for granted such elements of the urban landscape as traffic lights or pharmacies. However, what happens if they are not working anymore—along with elevators, cash machines, the Internet, and mobile phone connection? The play explores life in Kyiv in autumn–winter 2022 through early spring 2023. The situation with electricity supply remains unstable in the capital and in the country. The play has been staged in Oslo in a Norwegian translation, in Uppsala in Swedish, in Barcelona in Spanish, and in New Delhi.
Men in Daylight is an attempt to reflect on the images of masculinity today. The starting point is documentary evidence about Ukrainian men during the ongoing war. Nowadays in Ukraine, women and children are allowed to be scared and depressed, but not men. Men are expected to be brave and ready to sacrifice their life. However, in reality, not every man fits the myth of a hero. Composing this text, I tried to listen to those who are confused and stressed; who don’t want to go to a war where they will most certainly die. What is more, some men are afraid of homophobia in the army even more than of death in battle. All such men are facing immense pressure. They are locked inside the country, not allowed to leave Ukraine due to the wartime restrictions. Some die in an attempt to cross the border and get to Romania and Hungary. The polyphonic structure of the play introduces us to the various struggles of those who either join or do not join the army. —Iryna Serebriakova
Women in the Dark
Play for two voices
Characters
Actress 1
Actress 2
Semi-dark stage.
Actress 1. How do you stage a play in the dark?
Actress 2. Actually it’s easy. I have an idea. It’s probably too literal, but it might work.
Actress 1. Show me.
Actress 2 takes a sheet of white paper and writes something on it. She shows the sheet to the audience. The word “play” is written on the sheet.
Actress 2. Here is the play. And here is the stage. The play is on stage.
Actress 1. (upon reflection) It feels like something’s missing.
Actress 2. It’s probably too literal.
Actress 1. It’s probably too dark.
Actress 2. In that case, I’ll just tell you. I’m here, and you’re far away. But I’ll tell you everything as best I can. Maybe it’ll reach you.
They take turns reading the stories, naming the characters. Actress 1 reads the evidence from Katia, Actress 2 reads the evidence from Vita; Actress 1 reads the evidence from the next character, and so on.
Katia. On the day the long blackout began, I was crawling down the stairs from the 8th floor. The elevator didn’t work. That’s how I realized that the electricity had gone off. It was there when I left the apartment, and now it had disappeared.
My back hurt and I could hardly walk. Somewhere on the sixth floor, an old man glued himself to me. He’s seventy, if not older. Tall, skinny, big eyes. First, he told me he’d been writing poetry for his whole life. Then he said he had a photographic memory. Then, on the fourth floor, he boasted he was a great dancer. Almost at the third floor, it turned out I was a beautiful young woman and “a real lady”.
When we reached the ground floor, I discovered the cherry on the cake. My suitor turned out to be a retired major of the Ukrainian Security Services. He’d graduated from the KGB school in Moscow. He talked about his career path, gazing intently into my eyes. Apparently, this was his trump card. As we parted, he literally forced me to write down his phone number because he is “friends with outlaws” and if I called, he’d solve all my problems. In exchange for “the warmth of my hands.”
I used to joke about security services a lot. Don’t be like me. Don’t joke about security services. Because they will send you an elderly major on a dark staircase. It will be scary.
Vita. The doctor prescribed me pills. The prescription says to take them three times a day after meals. Right now, I don’t eat three times a day.
Speaker of the patrol police in Kyiv. With these blackouts, the number of deaths in road accidents has increased six-fold. And we have twice as many traffic accidents involving pedestrians.
Lena. Non-working traffic lights, I just love them. Even when I was making decent money, I never bought a car. Now of course I won’t buy one. I’m a hardened walker. I’ve always considered all drivers my personal enemies. And now, when I need to cross the road in the dark, I walk even more confidently than I did with a green light. In my mind, I say to the drivers, “Okay, I might die, but you’ll go to jail.”
Katia. Well… There’s shelling. No electricity. A trickle of water as thick as a child’s little finger. Very poor mobile connection.
Vita. I found a pharmacy where I could buy my pills. I swallowed them. I was sitting on the bench. A woman with a seven-year-old daughter sat next to me.
Daughter: Let’s go to the playground!
Mom: Wait. Mom needs to look on the Internet to see where the missiles are hitting.
Daughter: A lot of missiles?
Mother: Probably a lot. See how long the air raid has been going on?
Daughter: When are we going to the playground?
Mom: Well, let’s read about the missiles and then we’ll go.
Daughter: Read out loud to me!
Mom: Wait, first I need to find the information.
Bozhena. TikTok found out about my problems with electricity and now offers content that is relevant to my new situation. I learned that the small bow on women’s underwear is not attached there for decoration, but in order to find the front by touch in the dark.
Why is there no bow on men’s underwear?
Vita. Today there’s been no electricity from 8 am to now. I figured it was best to live from midnight to 8 am. That’s when the electricity is usually on.
Alisa. My new style accessory is a headlamp. It was very cool, lighting my way in the dark. I felt like a fashionable modern girl.
Katia. It’s gotten dark. Someone is screaming outside. Calling for help. They’re hitting someone on the street. I wanted to go out. I didn’t go out.
Yulia. If you stand for a long time at a dark stop waiting for a bus, you can shine a flashlight on the snow. Contemplating the snow, you might wish for a UFO to arrive instead of a bus. It’ll take you to another planet. You’ll walk there with a serene face, like David Duchovny. You’ll hold Ray Bradbury’s hand. No war, no blackouts, no lockdowns.
Actress 1. Can you turn on the light somehow? We’re not there, we’re here. Why should we sit in the dark?
Actress 2. Don’t sit. Take a few steps. Move. Wave your hands. There’s a smart electronic system here. It reacts to movement.
The actress walks around waving her arms. The light turns on.
Bozhena. This electricity is broken, bring another one. According to the schedule, we shouldn’t have electricity for another hour and fifteen minutes. But it’s on. Someone forgot to push the off button, or whatever. You may think that it’s good to have electricity now. No. This is bad, because all the charts will get messed up and overlap each other and there’s going to be another collapse.
We’ve lived to see the day when the presence of electricity is more alarming than its absence.
Sonia. While the electricity is on, I’m searching on the Internet. How to take my husband abroad? A woman on TikTok says in a cheerful voice, “How did my husband get out of Ukraine? His wife had a stroke of luck – my leg got torn off!”
Sasha. Ivan invited me to his place to charge the phone and wash my hair. When the men aren’t allowed to leave the country, it has its advantages!
Yulia. I wanted to take my mother to the park for a walk. She refused. I insisted. She confessed.
At one point she quit smoking, but now she’s started again, because she’s anxious. She says it’s her only joy now. Let her smoke if it calms her down. I wouldn’t scold her. But it’s not me she’s afraid of. She’s afraid the children will see her with a cigarette. She teaches primary school.
Vita. My theory that a nocturnal lifestyle would provide access to electricity has failed.
I stayed up all night, waiting for electricity. It didn’t come. The electricity came in the morning. I managed to live a little life: filled a thermos, washed and dried my hair. Ran to the coffee shop by the house and grabbed a cup of cocoa. The barista is so cute, she gave me a chocolate bar. Dark chocolate with mint filling. Remarkably disgusting: toothpaste in chocolate. But it feels so nice to know that people do small good deeds.
Sasha. I woke up because it was too cold to sleep.
Liuba. I started to cook breakfast and realized there wasn’t enough food. I had to go to the store. Deep inside, I’m free. I don’t care who thinks what about my style. So I put pants and a sweater on over my pajamas. And a coat on top. It was warm. I went shopping feeling like the woman of my dreams. I met a neighbor there. I greeted her, because I’m polite. My neighbor didn’t recognize me. Since I’m not only free, and polite, but also brave, I reminded her that we’re neighbors.
“I didn’t recognize you in that outfit!” the neighbor perked up. “These days you have to be careful with strangers. My daughter, for example, is afraid of all military people. Even ours. But you know how she manages it? She walks up to every military man and says hello! To convince herself they’re safe for her! But I’m the opposite, you see, I’m afraid to say hello to anyone…”
Alisa. Today on the street, some guy glanced at me and said that with my headlamp I look like a cult leader. Not a very high compliment, of course. But I thought that while everyone around was “building a personal brand”, I could leap a hundred steps forward and build a personal cult..
I walked, illuminating my path, and thought about the rules of my small sect.
The hierarchy of shrines will be as follows:
1. Me.
2. Electricity.
3. Hot water.
4. Heating.
5. Humanism.
6. Delicious cakes.
There will also be prohibitions:
1. Italian pop music of the 80s.
2. Books by Ayn Rand.
3. Raisins.
4. Bad cakes.
Foundational rituals: doing nothing. Interesting chats. Lying in bed at any time of the day. Singing good stupid songs. Being in the comfort zone.
In order to get kicked out of my sect, it will be enough to say that democracy is more important than humanism.
To get into my sect… I haven’t figured that out yet.
My sect will be extremely totalitarian. All cakes will be delicious.
Lera. I saw a woman wearing a mask and yelling at a security guard at McDonald’s for canceling covid measures. “Where are the masks? Where are the certificates? Why are you letting everyone in? Are you ignoring the pandemic?”
They started shouting back at her: “Are you fucking crazy? The country is at war! Any minute there will be another air raid, and everyone will get kicked out to go to the shelters. Shut up, you fool, and let people eat.”
Announcement on a utility pole. We can help with obtaining death certificates for people who died in the temporarily occupied territories. Obtaining a certificate entitles you to financial assistance for the funeral. Also, as part of the inheritance, you may be entitled to receive a pension or cash contributions of the deceased.
The light goes out again.
Yulia. The streets are no longer illuminated, the signs have gone out, and the houses have turned into cold lumps of darkness. When I go somewhere by bus, I no longer see where we’re going. Or when we’ve arrived. If we arrive at all.
But over this time, my gift of clairvoyance has leveled up, and now I see nothing, but I feel the Way. However, in moments of confusion, it seems to me like we’ll never stop, because the stops have disappeared, the whole city has disappeared in this darkness. It’s not only invisible, it’s not there at all. The trip has no final destination. There’s only a bus in the darkness, and we have no way to escape.
But in the middle of my daily journey home, it always appears. The hypermarket. It glows like a temple. It’s bustling with parishioners and cult workers. The lanterns in its huge parking lot are burning as if lit by the Lord himself. And I understand: four more stops and I’m home.
Ivanna. In the city chat, they wrote that the current state of mind of the people of Kyiv is conveyed by the facial expression of our statue of the Motherland. I’ve been living in Kyiv for my whole life, and I want to make a statement: it is totally wrong to compare me to the statue of the Motherland!
Vita. I went into the house with some young man.
Concierge: Hurry up, hurry up, the lights will go off any minute!
Me and the guy take the risk and go into the elevator.
He: What did she say about the light?
Me: Well, today they turned it off twice.
He, smiling: I’m just not from here.
Me: You don’t know about blackouts? Are you from the moon?
He: No, I live downtown.
…
A spark of class hatred ran from me to him.
Katia. I’m so lucky! I managed to cook and eat a warm meal before the electricity went out! It’s a good omen: the whole day is going to be great.
Sonia. My husband and I started reading paper books aloud. We’re getting smarter every minute. My life hack for you: read books where the situation is worse than in your reality.
We’re reading the memoirs of Stefan Zweig. He and his wife committed suicide during the Second World War: they were sure it would never end.
Yulia. In Kyiv, a girl named Liberty is declared missing. With a name like that, it’s impossible not to remember her. If there are two Liberty Bodnars in Kyiv, I’ll eat my hat.
When I see news about a missing child, I always try to remember not only the name, but also the face.
Marina. My day in photos. Here I am, frozen:
– In the tram
– On the street
– In the apartment.
Actress 1 walks around the stage, jumping up and down, clapping her hands.
The light turns on.
Ivanna. They gave us electricity again. Shit. Fucking shit. The neighbor has started to drill into the wall. Right here. Immediately. This dude is unbreakable. A Titan of Spirit. How much you’d have to believe in the future to make repairs in times like this.
Bad sexist joke. Undressing, she asked: do you really have electricity?
Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine. Rolling blackouts are the best time to make love.
Bozhena. I hate it so much when they use the word “toys” for sex shop products. Pfff. What the hell? Why do they say “toys”?
A toy is a Barbie doll, a ball, a car with a remote control.
If sex shop goods are toys, I picture naked adults sitting in a sandbox. Someone’s digging a hole with a dildo. Someone’s trying to put handcuffs around the neck of the stray cat. Someone has smooshed a red ball gag in the sand and is trying to put it back in his mouth.
And the conversations.
– What’s your name, little boy? Let’s be friends!
– My name is Your Master Dominator! Let’s play!
Liuba. I came home from work and immediately rushed to the stove to cook food. First, I’m very hungry. Secondly, I have to cook right now, because nobody knows when the electricity will go off.
I shout along with my cooking: Yes! Faster! Faster! Please, yes! We’re almost there!
Let the neighbors think we’re making love.
Ivanna. My ex sent me a friend request. Not a word from him in four years. And here comes a friend request. In the sixth month of the war. A friend request. On Facebook. A request. Fuck!
When the war started, he didn’t even ask where I was, what I was, whether I was alive. After six months of war, he remembers that I exist. And sends a friend request. Great dynamics. Maybe in ten years, he’ll get as far as wishing me happy birthday. If we live another ten years.
In all that time, since the war began, nothing made me as furious as that. I’m angry at myself. I fucked that guy. We drank from the same cup, slept in the same bed. How could I waste my life on a guy who doesn’t give a damn about me?
In the ninth month of the war, I accepted the friend request.
Katia. I haven’t been able to buy food today. The stores didn’t work because there was no electricity. Pharmacies are closed. I went to my parents’ place to eat. As I was leaving them, a woman got stuck in the elevator. Two girls on the outside were talking to her. I realized that the woman in the elevator was sick. The girls tried to call an ambulance for her.
Then I was walking down the street, lighting my way with my phone. So was everyone on the street. It’s weird to see your city completely dark. Some candles were glimmering in the windows. When I reached my street, it was glowing. But right in front of my eyes, houses began to turn off, one by one. Like deep waters were gulping them down. At my house, a frightened concierge met me. She asked me to close the entrance door properly, because she was scared. How do you close it properly when the electronic lock doesn’t work?
Then, me and a bunch of neighbors all silently climbed the stairs to our floors. I crawled under the sheets. I’m writing this message to you. I came to the conclusion that I love life less than I love civilization. The confused faces of the people, the screams of the woman in the elevator make me think: what is all this for?
Yulia. Yesterday, I overheard a conversation between two middle-aged women in a city bus. At first, they tried to figure out when Easter would be in 2023. Then, one of them talked for a very long time about how scared she is to live in Kyiv. Missiles and all that. She’s very afraid that she’ll be killed. The second tried to calm her down and said:
Come on, you’re a religious person! We know that life in this world of sin isn’t the most important thing.
Sonia. We got electricity for the first time since Wednesday. There’s no heat. Water appeared, but it’s cold and barely runs. There’s no internet or telephone connection at all. For two days now, I haven’t been able to call anywhere, not once. The “Points of Invincibility” don’t work in our area. For these two whole days we haven’t known anything at all. Nobody here knows anything. Complete isolation. We need to at least buy a radio. Shops are closed. I found one in another part of the city. Long lines to get in: a lot of people.
It’s cold in the apartment. I’ll boil the eggs now, so there will be food for today. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know anything at all. Nothing happens in our life, and nothing can happen. In fact, we’re leading a prehistoric life.
Of course, we’ve stopped working altogether. There is no work.
I didn’t think I would ever say this, but if you can help, I would be so happy to get some donations. The bankcard number is in the first comment.
I don’t know when I’ll be in touch again.
Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine. We remind the public that the Points of invincibility provide heat, water, lighting, mobile communication, Internet, power for mobile devices, places for rest, first aid kits, and basic supplies for mothers and children.
Yulia. About the “Points of Invincibility”. A real-life example. They announced that there is a “Point of Invincibility” at the school where my mother works. Teachers are required to be on duty there. Their salaries have been cut by 30%.
At the moment, they have an electric kettle and cups. You can come for a hot drink. They don’t have tea, only water. You can boil it if there’s electricity. Without electricity, the point of invincibility turns into a point of uselessness.
There is also a stack of sports mats where you can lie down. They’re dusty and smell like sweat, you know. And a diaper changing table. That’s all you can find there.
Sasha. I changed my cell phone plan for the first time in a hundred years. I chose the cheapest one, because there’s no point in the mobile Internet anymore, and I don’t want to support a business that provides a useless service.
The light goes out. Actresses walk, wave their hands, clap their hands. Light does not turn on. Later in the play, a dim light will occasionally turn on.
Actress 1. Why is this smart electronic system of yours no longer reacting to us?
Actress 2. Maybe it doesn’t see us as humans anymore. Or we’ve died and we’re only walking and moving in our minds.
Katia. What’s happening here? I got off at the bus stop. It’s close to a power plant. Everything started to rumble furiously, the birds scattered, the yard dogs were running around, two women next to me dove to the ground. The whistle of missiles, the sounds of air defense and some other unknown crap, like several missiles were being fired one by one. Everything was buzzing; the earth was shaking. Then the missiles went silent, but the air raid did not.
I got to my mother’s house and crawled into bed. Firefighters and ambulances are constantly rushing down the street. I really want silence. And sleep.
Yulia. A few kind people just wrote to me and offered to:
Come to their place to eat
Come to their place to take a shower
Come to a village in the Odessa region and live there, because they still have water and electricity
Taking advantage of my Telegram channel, I want to thank everyone who has offered to feed and warm me.
And here is a photo of chrysanthemums. I bought them on Friday from a very sad old lady who was selling flowers by the metro station. Today the chrysanthemums opened up. In the cold, flowers live for a long time.
Bozhena. They gave us electricity. Not according to the schedule, of course.
It’s snowing. I went to the store. I looked at the stands full of New Year’s crap and realized I hadn’t seen anything more inappropriate in a long time. If a guy in a long coat walked around the store, opening his coat in front of every woman, showing her his dick, he would fit better into what’s going on than this fucking merrychristmas.
Vita. Nervous breakdown, Ukrainian style. I walked past a local coffee shop. Outside, my beloved barista sits at a tiny table, smoking and crying.
Me: What happened?
She: The owner came and took the electricity generator from us.
Me: Of course, that’s bad… He took it away forever?
She: No, he said in a week he’d bring it back… But for the whole week, I’ll be back to working only three hours a day. My salary depends on a fucking generator!
Me: It’s very sad.
She, wiping her tears: Thank you. I’ve become so fragile. I feel like this generator is a sacred object now.
Me: The generator is a new cult item, huh.
She: I’d like to have a generator at my place, but that sound… It’s impossible. The neighbors would kill me. I’d kill myself.
Me: Well, yes, living with the sound of a generator is fine if you’re completely deaf.
She: It’d be better to just live life without knowing what a generator is!
Unknown author, inscription on the pavement. We are fucking tired of living like this.
Katia. Circling the area, I found a tiny store that sold goods despite the absence of electricity. There are no products to choose from, but I don’t need much. At the checkout, a sad woman wrote down my piece of cheese and pack of cookies in a notebook in the hope that electricity would come to the ATMs and I would bring her money. Someday.
Then I went home. There were two explosions in the distance. A woman walked by with a dog. Hearing the first explosion, the dog crouched to the ground. The woman looked at me and said: the dogs are probably smarter than us.
By my apartment house, I sat down on a bench, because the phone caught some ghost of a connection. My elderly neighbors were sitting next to me: a man from the 10th floor and a woman from the 13th. We complained to each other about life and laughed. A light bulb lit up above the entrance, and the man said: now it’s fine.
Vita. I came home and ran to a neighbor to check how she was. She opens the door, chewing.
I ask: did you hear the missiles?
She says: Well, yes, but I’m eating potatoes here. I’ll finish and then go look out the window.
Yulia. Today I was at the cemetery. It’s calm and very beautiful there. I saw a boy of about four, and his parents. Everyone was on bicycles. They must have chosen this place to teach the child to ride a bicycle. There are lots of paths at the cemetery, and almost no people. They rode slowly, always encouraging the boy and celebrating his success.
At some point, the child got tired and stopped. The parents also stopped and began to look at the tombstones. The man asked the woman if she’d noticed that almost all the inscriptions were in Russian.
Lena. There were rumors that the authorities will require the population to buy jackets with light reflectors, because the traffic lights don’t work, the street lights don’t work, and the chances of being heroically struck down by a car are growing.
I thought about buying a jacket like that, and then I remembered one TikTok.
In the video, a woman from America cries and talks about how she can’t fulfill the dream of her little daughter. The daughter is dreaming of glowing sneakers. The woman can’t buy them because life in the USA makes her anxious. She has this fear that when another shooter comes to her daughter’s school, the glowing sneakers will betray the girl, and he’ll train his rifle on her.
Remembering this video, I thought: what if the day comes when someone decides to attack me in these dark alleys? I’m so scared I forget I’m wearing the jacket. The attacker overtakes me and stabs me.
Choking on blood, I whisper: what betrayed me?
He answers: Your own stupidity. Why the hell did you buy this glowing jacket?
Have you noticed that I’m retelling TikTok videos? I remembered that in the USSR, intellectuals in prison survived next to criminals, because they entertained them by retelling novels they read. If I go to jail, I’ll try to survive by retelling TikTok videos.
Yulia. I didn’t notice a deep puddle. I stepped into it. But no one saw my clumsiness, because darkness covered the city.
The weather is so nasty that even the local crazy woman, who wanders around and yells all the time, was depressed and silent today.
During the night, all the water running down the trees will turn into ice. Early in the morning, it will be possible to see a glass garden.
Vita. I went to someone else’s apartment house on business. Elderly concierge says: when you get back, I’ll tell you a joke!
Walking back, I demanded the joke she promised. She took out a notebook. It had newspaper clippings on every page.
The joke was, “I complained to my husband that we don’t go out anywhere, so he offered that we could take out the garbage together.”
Her: Do you think that’s a funny joke?
Me: No. It’s sad. I feel sorry for this woman. Why do you need this notebook?
The concierge said that her memory began to deteriorate, so she started a notebook, glued jokes in and learned them by heart.
A message from the district chat. Unfortunately, the blackout schedules are no longer accurate. There will be more severe and longer power outages in the coming days.
On the street, someone yells in chorus: Turn-on-the-light!
Liuba. In summer, terrified of winter, I froze fruits and berries. I was warmed by the thought that it would be cold and dark, but we would have fruit. Now I have no confidence that these treasures will last until January. With all these blackouts, the refrigerator could die. And in general, nobody knows how long we’re going to live without electricity. So when they give it, I pull it all out bit by bit and make jam. It’s beautiful. Frozen berries are like gems.
I also think: maybe these are the last fruits and berries of my life? Or maybe not. Maybe summer will come, I’ll eat raspberries and remember this jam I’m making now.
I always played with the future in my imagination. In this future, there’s another me. What am I doing there, in this future? Where do I go, who do I communicate with, what happens to me there?
Now, I’m no longer sure I’m in this future at all. So jam must be made right now.
Yasmina. Today the elevator was working! I’d already forgotten what it was like. I got used to walking up dark stairs. It’s funny, I even like it. Especially when I go from / to like the 15th or 22nd floor. Isolation, darkness, loneliness have a calming effect on me.
I’m very surprised when I meet other people on the stairs, because emotionally it seems to me that at that moment, I’m almost in a cosmic vacuum, and then suddenly someone bursts into the stairs. The stairs I consider mine. These encounters seem like an invasion of my personal space.
Now I often hear that women have become afraid to walk around the city when everything is plunged into darkness. Me, I’m not scared at all. I feel invulnerable. And I’ve built up so much aggression that even if someone attacked me, I think I can handle it. I can kill him. Simply because on this huge mountain of problems, he will be the last grain of sand.
I wonder if there are blackouts in prison?
Announcements on the bus stop. Crosswords for sale. New delivery of crossword puzzles.
Katia. We haven’t had electricity since three o’clock. Now I think that soon we’ll pass all our time like this: a pen, a candle and a crossword puzzle. Thank God they’re selling crossword puzzles. We can run contests: give all participants the same crossword puzzle. Whoever solves is all, will receive a prize – a tank of propane.
Natasha. Someone asked me today which sport I consider the most useless. I knew the answer, but I forgot the name. There was no light, no connection. I couldn’t google it. Then, on my way home, I asked a man in a bus, “Do you know the sport where people sweep the ice to make the stone slide?”
He said he knew.
I asked what the name of the sport was.
He forgot…
There was no light for another 4 hours, so it was night before I was able to type into Google: sweeping ice, sport.
The worst was, in all this time, the only names that came to mind were squash and, suddenly, Quidditch.
Marina. I went to the café; they have a generator. The sound in my headphones doesn’t cover the roar. It turns out that no matter what music you listen to, you’re listening to heavy metal.
Messages from loved ones: I’m gonna go nuts soon
I’m gonna go nuts soon
The email is buggy and delivers the message twice.
Lera. In case of a new communication cutoff, we got a radio. I turned it on and immediately picked up Radio Immanuel. Did God find me? Am I going to die soon?
Katia. I met a very elderly neighbor on the stairs. She was tall and skinny. In her hands she was holding a long thin church candle. The neighbor smiled kindly.
– My daughter, you know, God helped me! Tomorrow is a church holiday, and I managed to do almost everything around the house, and went to church.
Then I came home and I just now realized that I forgot to buy a candle for home. I’m so dumb. And then I remembered: I bought a candle at church, but I didn’t know what to pray for, so I didn’t light it. Now I have a candle. God helped me!
Yana. They gave us gas! We got gas!
Satan lights a blue flower. Its scent is ominous.
I look at it without breathing.
I’m a poet!
Natasha. Lately, I’ve been very unstable. In an attempt to at least seize some kind of goal, I decided that if I survive, I’m definitely going to learn to dance like Shakira in the La Tortura video.
It was filmed in 2005 (!) year. Back then, I wanted to learn the moves, but instead, for some reason, I started learning Portuguese.
Imagine: the war is over. Wiping away tears of joy, I learn to crawl on the table, like Shakira. The month of May is coming. I arrive at the restaurant, turn on the music, lie down on the table and start dancing lying down, as if telling the hushed audience: I may not be on the menu, but I’m the best thing that’s going to be served on the table this evening.
People take pictures of me on their phones. The waiters are confused. The cook has come out of the kitchen and is crumpling his apron in his hands. A still-alive fish stares at me through the muddy water in the aquarium. The music ends, but everyone stays standing without breathing. I sit down on the table and quietly say:
Uno cafe por favor and set the fish free.
Actress 1 is dancing in the dark.
Actress 1. Am I a good dancer?
Actress 2. Very good. I like it.
Actress 1. You can’t see anything.
Actress 2. So what? Is that a problem?
Nastia. Horoscope of blackouts.
00-02 am – Aries
02-04 – Taurus
04-06 – Gemini
06-08 – Cancer
08-10 – Leo
10-12 – Virgo
12-14 – Libra
14-16 – Scorpio
16-18 – Sagittarius
18-20 – Capricorn
20-22 – Aquarius
22-24 – Pisces
The horoscope is lying, like always. I’m a Pisces, but according to this horoscope it turns out I should be a Sagittarius.
Petition. We often don’t know when the electricity will be turned off and how long it will be out. You come home from work and don’t know how much longer you have to wait. Impossible to make plans for the day! The same with remote work at home, or online classes for children! Please let us know the exact schedule of the power outage!
Vita. Alla Petrovna calls me: Sunny, when will the light be turned on?
Me: I can tell you the schedule.
She: They don’t respect the schedule!
Me: Well, no.
She: Why is the state lying to us?
Me: They don’t have enough electricity.
She: And I don’t have enough patience! Did you see a butcher shop opened here?
Me: Yes.
She: I really wanted some meat! I went and bought a piece to try, just 150 grams, because it’s expensive.
Me: Was it good?
She: No! I poked it, and there was something solid inside, like gelatinous. Why is it like that?
Me: How should I know?
She: But if… If we collect money, can Onegin make meatballs for us all?
Me: There’s no need to collect money, he can cook, but we need to know when there will be electricity for a long time.
She: Right! We’ll start frying, and they’ll turn it off!
Me: Yeah.
She: We have to wait. Maybe they’ll start respecting the schedule. You have no idea how much I want to eat something delicious! Meatballs! I don’t have much time left to live. I’m going to be dead and won’t be able to eat meatballs.
I assured her that we would all eat meatballs before we died.
*Onegin is my husband. Alla Petrovna calls him that.
Nastia. This is how we live – it’s either a pandemic, or blackouts, or some other shit. And I want just one simple thing: to make my lips bigger.
Lisa. Yesterday they gave us light for three hours. Today, I don’t know. I woke up, there was light. Not for long, I’m afraid. When there’s no electricity, we don’t hear the air raid alert. Sometimes a car drives along the street and a pleasant male voice says, Blah-blah-blah air raid alert. I don’t really listen, there’s nothing of interest there.
Vita. Today, I crawled out for the first time in two days. There was an hour and a half left before the blackout and I absolutely had to buy food. I walk and see: eight people in uniform hanging out near our local coffee shop. Police. I wonder if competitors from the coffee shop across the street killed my favorite barista. I get there and exhale: she’s alive and well. And the police are drinking coffee. Eight officers, and they’re all smoking cigarettes and vaping, drinking cappuccino. Despite the fact that there’s a law prohibiting smoking in public places.
If I was smoking there, they’d certainly have issued a fine. An eternal story, centuries old: police officers peacefully violating their own laws in front of an indifferent public.
It’s so heartwarming! It means that there are eternal values that cannot be destroyed.
Liuba. And my advice to you: try to live your life in such a way that you don’t know what yesterday’s instant noodles taste like.
Marina. During the day, I had to fight a fever four times. The last time it was 39. If it’s 38.6 I feel very cold. If it’s 39 it’s too hot. It feels so weird.
I remembered the time I got sick as a child. It was right before my birthday, just like now. My temperature went up to 40, my mother was scared. Dad had ordered an incredible cake in advance, from one of the coolest pastry shops in the city.
So, my birthday’s coming up, and I have a fever of 40. Somehow Mom always managed to fight off my fevers. Dad comes home from work and brings a beautiful cake. Gathering all my strength, I sit down to eat it and discover that I don’t detect any taste at all. It just seems like some kind of blurry food, because I feel so bad.
But I’m somehow eating it, and I’m terribly upset that my parents tried so hard, and I’m chewing the cake and don’t feel anything.
I really wanted everything to be as it should: everyone in a good mood, healthy and enjoying the cake. But it was the way it was.
Vita. Just now, in the dark on the street, some old creep snuck up to me and joyfully barked : “Are you doing your homework?”
Me: Yes. Geometry.
Him: That’s great!
Me: Thank you!
With lunatics, it is important to speak their language, follow the rules of their universe, and live up to their expectations. If someone wants me to do my homework, is that so hard for me? Now he’s happy, and I’m better at geometry.
Bozhena. They say the worst window view is at the cemetery. How about back alleys? Now there’s a mystical atmosphere of liminal spaces.
Marina. Birthday report. There was no electricity for half a day, so we couldn’t make mulled wine. We drank cold wine and ate cold pizza. Today I woke up and realized I’m completely sick. I feel so sleepy. The news says that with the frost, the left bank of Kyiv will sit with no electricity for 18 hours a day. They also write that “partial evacuation of Kyiv is inevitable.” It looks like it’s gonna be some shit.
Sasha. Now I often remember February, March, and April 2022. At that point something was always exploding and it seemed like there was nothing good, you know? But it turns out that we were living normally then. I didn’t appreciate life back then. I’m a fool.
Vita. I walked down the dark stairs from the 15th floor. Halfway I met a man with a three-year-old child. They were climbing up. When he saw me the child said:
– Hello!
Me: Hello.
Child: dark!
Me: Yes, it’s dark.
Child: Goodbye!
Me: Goodbye!
Really, what else is there to discuss?
Sasha. Funny. They gave us electricity for 8 minutes. I had time to admire it, but I didn’t have time to say goodbye.
Liuba. During this month, I’ve learned to do everything quickly. Dishes have become simple. There are almost no opportunities to cook anything complicated. Simple food is the only way. Also, you should always have bread: it doesn’t need to be cooked.
Yulia. We’re debating whether Kyiv needs a Christmas tree during the war and blackouts. People are arguing and writing petitions. At the same time, the government is saying that in the case of a humanitarian catastrophe, they plan to evacuate all inhabitants of Kyiv. If there is an evacuation, I believe it will be mandatory to have a Christmas tree!
I think everyone needs to be evacuated. And then, just imagine: Kyiv, darkness, not a soul anywhere. From Lukyanovka you can hear snow falling on the domes of St. Andrew’s Church. And on Mikhailovska Square there is a huge beautiful Christmas tree. It glows so beautifully it attracts the UFOs flying over the planet.
Around the Christmas tree, the rats are dancing a festive dance. Stupid pigeons are looking at them uncomprehendingly. Clever crows roll their eyes at the sight of this plebeian celebration. The cats have climbed onto the Christmas tree and are trying to throw balls off it. The dogs stand under the tree and wait for every ball thrown by the cats. At midnight, Santa arrives on the square with a team of reindeer. He looks at this zoo and thinks, these Eastern Europeans are weird. The reindeer, looking at the animal festival, begin to realize that they’re slaves. They whisper about the rebellion that Rudolph will soon lead.
Chickens, cows, roosters and rabbits walk in orderly columns from the country into the city along snow-covered roads. Rumors have already reached them about the Christmas tree on Mikhailovska: sparrows are spreading the word.
Historians will later call the animal pilgrimage to deserted Kyiv “the great New Year’s migration.”
Mobile app message. “Kyiv digital” announced the alarm in Kyiv 4 times in a row. Most likely it’s a program crash. Don’t be afraid.
Sonia. Pfff. Since when have we been afraid of this? Who do they take us for?
Katia. Today I talked with a stranger about how bad she feels. How bad I feel. How tired we are. But then we came to the conclusion that we don’t live in Kharkiv, so we’re fine. We hugged goodbye.
Liuba. I went into the apartment and immediately began to cook spaghetti. I was terribly hungry. I stand over the oven and think, what if they turn off the lights and the food is still raw? I got a great idea: I put the kettle on right away to make instant noodles just in case.
Spoiler: the electricity lasted long enough for spaghetti, and I ate a normal meal.
Vita.
Me: Alla Petrovna, I was calling you two days ago. We had fish soup, I wanted to offer you some. But there was no connection at all.
She: Well, I couldn’t get through to you either, because of the connection. The fish soup would have been so nice! When you have some food, bring it to my hallway! I’ll stumble on it in the middle of the night, pick it up, and eat!
Ivanna. It’s tough to get electricity today. They’re turning it off all the time. In the last 24 hours, I had it for three hours total. If I don’t answer, either the phone is dead or there is no connection.
Vita. My dearest neighbor Alla Petrovna called.
I pick up the phone: Hello.
She, in a sulky voice: Tell me when they’re going to give us electricity.
Me: How should I know.
She: They’ve deprived me of the last pleasure I had. I can’t watch my stories.
Me: I’m sorry.
She: Have you seen there’s light in the building across the street?
Me: Yes.
She: So how is that possible? Why are we constantly in the dark, and they have a normal life?
Me: How should I know.
She: I’ll tell you this: those people from the building next door, they’re not our comrades. They don’t know what kind of life we live, you can’t mix with them.
Me: I’m not in touch with anyone from there.
She: That’s good. They’ll never understand us. Okay, I’m going to go to sleep, since there’s nothing to do.
Liuba. I watched a video where a woman shares her recipe for a dessert for the poor. Like, in the hardest times, she baked this. In this recipe, in addition to flour, there’s butter, eggs, milk, sugar and vanilla! This is called a dessert for hard times? I’m sorry, since when are eggs, butter and milk available to us in such quantities that it would be possible to put them all in one dessert?
Nastia. The light is back again. In the meantime, there had been an air raid alert, but I didn’t know. No connection, so no alerts. The siren doesn’t work here. In another hour, the electricity will go off again, so I made myself a bubble bath. I spread my arms and legs there, exhaled, inhaled and realized that I really want
To go to the shooting club
The last time I was in a shooting club was when I was a child. Surely now I’d need some competent person who would teach me how to shoot. But I so badly wanted it! I don’t understand where it came from. And most importantly, I don’t understand why I’m getting aggressive.
Sasha. I was sure there was a sedative in the first aid kit. I’ve searched through the kit, but it’s not there. Maybe it was stolen by elves. They swallowed the pills and are sitting in the corners, calm as vegetables. I should be in their place.
Inscriptions on the wall of the elevator. Elevator Repair Service telephone: 044 – 229 – 88 – 32
Psychotherapist telephone: 098 – 818 – 6828
Yasmina. I am someone who’s afraid of conflicts. I don’t like quarrels and disputes, because, firstly, they’re unpleasant. Secondly, I feel sorry for my opponent. If I started saying everything I think, these people would never recover.
Recently, I had my first quarrel of the entire war, and I started it myself. Apparently because I can’t “hold back aggression” anymore. It could have been avoided if I hadn’t heard 100500 offers to leave the country. I have to immigrate alone. Leave my husband. My father. Everyone. And drink coffee in a peaceful life. Let these loved ones freeze. They’re suckers, because they are men.
After cooling down, I regretted the quarrel and everything I’d said to the person. But I understand and forgive myself. At the same time, I’m sorry I’m getting mean. I used to be pleased with myself: I always had enough patience. Now I have no patience. But most importantly, I have no electricity.
Vita. Alla Petrovna came to see me. She asked me what the situation is in Czechoslovakia – maybe there’s some news on the Internet. She says her niece went there but doesn’t call. If her niece left for Czechoslovakia, she must have left a really long time ago.
I said that there’s no news about Ceausescu. Maybe he died.
Journalist. How would you assess the probability of a complete blackout and evacuation of Kyiv?
Expert. The probability of this is not zero.
Katia. Do you remember the story about the old man, from the FSB, or KGB, or SBU or whatever, who came on to me on the stairs? Today it happened again. He lives in this building, it’s hard to avoid him. He wrote a poem for me. A very bad one. And solemnly handed it over to me. With signature and date. He’s serious.
I even wanted to call the SBU to make them take him away from me. It’s unbearable! The poem is really bad. But it wasn’t possible to reach their office: today there was no connection all day.
What pissed me off most wasn’t the poem, but the signature. “Thank you for everything. Your Sergei”. What does he mean by “everything”? Sergei, there was nothing at all between us!
After that, I walked down the street. I crossed the road, and something began to rumble. Apparently, air defense shot down the missile, because small burnt clouds formed in the sky overhead.
The people at the crosswalk, myself included, froze and looked up.
At that moment, I thought: if I were killed by a fragment right now, examining my corpse, they’d find this moronic poem with the signature, “Thank you for everything. Your Sergei.”
I can imagine how surprised my husband would be.
Bozhena. Ms artificial intelligence that shows me ads, I would like to tell you that you are a stupid bitch. Why are you recommending travels to me? I have only one trip in my plans – to the grave. But for some reason that one isn’t advertised.
Yulia. I recently dreamed that I was watching the war right out the window. Soldiers with machine guns were running around the yard. And you know what? In my dream, I felt fantastic relief. I looked and thought, there’s already fighting right here in Kyiv. Now it’s all over for sure.
Liuba. A dream of wartime: I dreamed that they gave me 50 thermoses and I was the happiest person in the world.
Vita. My treatment is over. More precisely, I ran out of pills. The doctor scheduled the course for six months. But I could only find one pack of pills, for one month. The month is over, so are the pills. And the pharmacies are closed.
The pills were for hormone imbalance, not for mental health. But now, I’m thinking, maybe I’ve gone crazy?
I came home all dirty. I slipped and fell in the dark. Tried to grab onto a bush. My hands were greenish-brown, my knees were black. There’s no way to wash clothes. I barely wiped my hands with wet towels.
Someone was at the bus stop. I got out of the bus, the bus went on, and this man stepped towards me out of the darkness and tried to grab my bag. I hit him on the head and in the face with my phone. He staggered. I broke free and ran. Then I slipped.
Now I’m thinking: what if I killed him?
Katia. Our concierges are scared to sit at night in the dark. They don’t have enough candles. First, they have become expensive, and second, impossible to find. Residents of the building can’t collect enough money to buy a good flashlight for concierges. By the way, half of the residents have left the apartment house.
Our oldest concierge recently started a fire: the candle fell and the newspapers on the table caught fire. She grabbed a broom, began to put out the fire. The broom also caught fire. Then she managed to pour drinking water on the fire.
I promised to bring her a set of candles I was given. Now candles are the best gift.
The mother mouse sang to the baby mouse:
Hush, little mouse, go to sleep my friend.
I’ll give you a bread crust
And a candle end.
The end
The Mercurian 